Grim Fairy Tales - Snow White and her Dwarfs

The story of Snow White you know very well,

But a lesser known tale I am here going to tell.

There is no wicked Queen, mirror and all,

Just the dwarfs and Snow, the fairest of all.

So seven different stories mixed into one

No lover of tragedy? then this wont be fun.

A flavour of friendship, hatred and lust

The dark secrets of fairy land reveal I must.

To begin with Dopey, the one with the smile

To keep the curve on he goes a long mile.

For not be found Pot in the enchanted wood

But in the next village, sells it, Red Riding Hood.

Grumpy was not so, till he met White

Smitten by her, lay awake every night.

But her love for Happy was beyond any fold

"Not you, but I love your friend" Grumpy was told.

Alas here's the deadlock I must say

Coz the next dwarf is Happy and very much gay.

Happy loved Grumpy with all his might

Little he knew Grumpy longed for Miss White.

All was not that bad as it may appear

For trouble to Sleepy did not come too near.

Coz all he did was cuddle up nice

In the Grim times that is probably most wise.

Let me then tell you about the remaining two

There is no Bashful. Sneezy is just cuckoo.

And this why Doc stuck along side the dwarf

To cut back his personalities, back into half.

Musn't you, musn't you, even whisper this tale

That will lift the forest's enchanted veil.

Please let this remain a bedtime delight

While we read to our children the story of Snow White.

Paisa Vasool

Raji: Gots?

Gots: haan baba

Raji: What is the currency of Dubai

Gots: Dirham... why?

Raji: I thought it was durum

Ribbit for your pleasure

silence...

Raji: I know how to turn on male frogs!!!

silence...

House Hunting

You probably are going to be disappointed at the end of this post to not find anything about pointers for looking for houses, apartments etc. But I am sure you will also be equally amazed to learn yet another trait of Raji.
An abnormally cold winter day - best option was to stay indoor lay on the couch and watch some tele. Dang! My satellite channels don’t seem to be working which means I have to watch whatever english show is playing on the Dutch channels. But luckily for me (and the revival of this blog) House was on air.
Raji, who hasn’t watched the 30 minute sitcom before, was quickly sucked in the madness of the protagonist, words picked up from a medical thesarus (Pruritis, cephalgia, flatus etc).
Gautam: (45 minutes after House started) I am switching off the TV

Raji: Eh u go ya. I want to see what happens at the end of the show.

Gautam: but..

Raji: shhhh!!!

Gautam: But the show got over already…

In Conversation with Myself

Any reference to a character flabby or talktative is purely coincidental.
This is a narration of a true incident with fictional characters.

Setting the scene: Sitting in the bus to Amstelveen, Raji and Gautam are having a post-day-at-work convervsation. Raji was mentioning how difficult her colleague "Sherbet" was being and just then another colleague got onto the bus at the next stop. Digamber makes his way to an empty seat and makes himself comfortable. Both Raji and Gautam look at him, then each other and nod in disapproval.
Gautam: Has Digamber become a TM finally?
Raji: No he's just an acting TM.
Gautam: Oh so hes not got an Internal promotion as yet?
Raji: who got promotion?
Gautam: Digamber?
Raji: he got a promotion?
Gautam: arrrreeee.. U said he has become an acting TM
Raji: When did I say that?
Gautam: at the start of the conversationnnnnn…
Raji: oh! I thought that conversation was over

Alter Egos - The Darker Side

Rajeshwari: the great Bhali
"I am just a boy, not the great Bhali", she retorted when she realised her cover was almost blown only to realise minutes later that Khali was the wrestler she wanted to refer to and a couple of more minutes later she realised she also is not a boy.
It was a quiet Saturday morning when her fiance who thought he knew her well enough realised she was no ordinary muscular girl next door.
"My arms are paining Gots" she said.
"what did u do? U have just been sitting around doing nothing" came a prompt but a concerned reply
"I worked out in the gym… I think my muscles have grown more than my arms can accommodate"

Suman oof Su(le)man the crocodile hunter
She claimed to be from Papua New Guinea but she has no records of herself during those years. Rumors are that Suleman was studying suicidal crocodile hunting in Madrasaa (now called Chennai). Apparently their secret weapon is the very unlikely Bread Fruit.
Right after throwing a slightly ripe Bread Fruit at a croc " kyaaan baa! Yeh corcodial marta nahi"
It has also come to light that her surname (not to be revealed here to protect writer) in an european language means " hatchet"
Guess that gives a whole new meaning to burying the hatchet
PS: if u thought u made the croc cry… think again!!!

Praveen aka Python Pandya
If u think Slytherin was a house in Hogwarts (Harry Potter reference) then PP is the headboy. Not many knew his love for the scaly slimy creatures, but a paparazzi shot revealed his travels to the east of europe were to spend time with hissss delightful lover. Apparently Python Pandya turned out to be quiet a snake charmer au contraire to his usual non macho image.
Wonder what a cross between a hop and a slide would be!!!!

Strike and Out!

Very rarely do I have any opinion on indian politics or for that matter I am quite ignorant about the entire indian political machinery.
Yes - I do keep track of whats happening in india on a day to day basis.
No - I don’t think I can comment on how the politicians do their jobs.

Obviously, it is indeed very easy to sit miles away from India and pick up the news paper or flick through various news channels, grimace and say " hmmphh!! Politicians", but that is something I would not do unless I myself am willing to change something in the system itself. Atleast they try.
None the less, I must say I was quite perplexed, it also got me wondering when I read about the proposed bandh or nationwide strike that has struck India on the 5th of July 2010.

Cause: Price Rise
Accused: UPA
Complainant: NDA
Victim: every single indian citizen.

Well, I did notice in my last visit home, to Goa, that prices have been going through the roof. Inflation is working over time and refuses to stop. But is a nationwide strike really the best the opposition could come up with to fix the issue? So, we have all the political big-wigs sitting in their a/c cabins - starched kurtas and crisply ironed, hair well oiled and combed, nails clipped demanding for a bandh because apparently that’s what the aam admi wants, in the mean time the aam admi is not allowed to go to work by rioting bandh activists resulting in a loss of days pay and those who try risk injury thanks to stone pelting opposition ground workers.
Was every single billion citizen in india asked whether they prefer a bandh or not?
You can not call a bandh a success just because 10000 indians were on the street protesting while the remaining millions chose to stay away from it and not get involved.
Really makes me wonder how burning buses, stopping business from functioning, shutting down the second fastest growing economy in the world, causing public property damage, loss of life etc etc is going to actually bring down the inflation and reduce costs. As of now there has already apparently been a loss of 2000 crores (and counting) to the purse of central govt.
You probably by now think I am an anti NDA voter and a pro Congress. No I am not. I am just pro Progress.
All sides (the Left, the Right and the Center) have some big stalwarts, who know how to get the job done and infact how to get it done just perfectly right but for some reason they prefer a Bandh rather than a Bandhobast.

Humpty's Dump

Here's the real story of Humpty Dumpty
not quite the same you heard in nursery
it wasnt an accident as everyone was told
the weak hearted may leave, as the story unfolds

Not long ago he got married to little Red
yes, shes the same girl from the Wolf story you read
all was well, the marriage was fine
till the day she met again the wild canine

The woodcutter's blow had fixed him he said
the Wolf was now in love with lil' Miss Red
the glint in his eyes and the furry chest
seeing them, laid all her fears to rest

"But I am taken" she cried "what do we do?"
"leave that upto me" said the Wolf "aaaoooo"

"your husband is just a problem too little"

"did you know Humpty is actually brittle?"

So dear readers, it wasnt really an accident
Humpty was pushed, just as the Wolf meant,
as he sat on the rail.
and this is the truth of this Grim Fairytale

kera-lite!!

A tribute to all my mallu friends... i lev wyu aal

Q- Why are Indian mallus better at fractions than NRI mallus?
A- Because they are desi-mals

Q- Whats the cross betn a UP-ite and a keralite?
A- Malayalam Singh Yadhav

Pandora's Box

What holds this jar, within,

That bring to the world hunger and sin

Twas a paradise and worries none

Opening the box was no good done

Lurking she knew not what beyond the lid

Treasures and jewels that Zeus hid?

But lay in there the curse to vice

Made us mortal and lose paradise

Why pandora did u open the box

Severe them, those forbidden locks

But to defy culture of this society dope

Unmoved in the box, was a vial of hope!

cursory rhymes

and its now many years later
and jack was to marry the mayors daughter
and as they took the vows on that very hill
sat in the crowd weeping jill

and so on the priests behest
he asked if anyone were to protest
"challenge it, nows ur chance
be the one in the first dance"

so stood up jill amidst the crowd
"stop" she said out really loud
"must not let this happen now"
"jacks lost his mind and i ll tell u how"

"here we came for a drink of water
jack fell down
and broke his crown
and u know the story thereafter"

all over for the pullover

A sweater so fine a sweater so cool
Made from billy the sheep who gave up her wool
The sweater was made to keep him warm
Just one wash and the sweater was gone

A small stain forced him to rinse
But read he not the instructions within
Do not wash and musnt u dry
Is that too hard for him to try

So he soaked and soaped this woolen cloth
And Let it suck all the bubbely froth
Then he sets the dryer too high
Lo behold....
The sweater he wanted when he was five.


In memory of Praveen's sweater that shrunk 5 times its original size

Oxymorons!!

it is strange the way of words
how they use, so unheard
"exact estimate" or "butt head"
leaving nothing more to be said

does there exist a "wedded bliss"
and how can u make "plastic glasses"
the strangest one being "a silent woman"
that truly would be a "genuine imitation"

"tight slacks" can be "clearly misunderstood"
also "good grief" isnt really all that good
So "Now, then" am penning my "unbiased opinion"
as i was just taking a "working vacation"

Swine Flu - The Begining!!

pedro one nite strolled down the park

he was pissed drunk on his tequilla shot

he bumped into her , tht immediate spark

and here begins the tale of this twisted plot

they shuffled together behind a bush

tumbled over a root looking really stupid

landing on their tush

they knew it was cupid

he held her close and leaned in a kiss

she held him back and said please note this

i have a problem or may be two

i am a pig and may have a flu

but heard he not the truth divine

as he made love to the blessed swine

so this is how it all begun

spare the pig, blame the mexican

Bushwhacked

Just when we thought that america had finally secured its airspace and aerial attacks were avoidable, out of no where a pair of size tenners proved all that wrong.

For a person who usually would let his pen do the talking, has already set quite a few tongues wagging in the Arab world. The American boot licking Iraqi Premier had the scribe, who almost got the worlds most powerful man licking an iraqi shoe, immediately arrested but at the same time promoted him to a hero status.
Even a professor has offered to buy the new on the list "weapon of mass destruction" for a whopping 10 million USDs settingthe stage for quite an auction which could fetch the journalist quite a boot-y. But, if Mr Al-Zaidi wants his prize he would have quite a bit of "sole" searching to do once he steps out of jail.

Obviously now, the question arises whether all american press conferences are going to ban footwear or invade any country making shoes without the appropriate licensing. Even though the entire act is deplorable it is inhuman to arrest a man and then walk him to the nearest police station barefoot.
Well... anyways we must let by gones be by gones and hope the americans curb their natural instinct of waging war for every attack on their pride,cause in this case the shoe size was definitely far superior to the IQ ofthe prez, but instead sit back and enjoy the reruns of the whole episode on youtube.
A ticket to Iraq 600 USD
A pair of shoes 20 USDs
War in iraq 117billion USDs
But the look on the presidents face was definitely priceless!!!

Anonymous : "A shoe in hand is less worth than two at Bush!!"

Wish U were here!

who said its easy?
u donno how it is when u r gone
the whole world sits besides me
but i still feel all alone

i think i see u everyday
with visions from the past
and with u miles away
its just the memories that last

i do not hear wht you say
but your words enchant me like a song i knw
with music never heard before
leading me to where i must go

i fidget in the emptiness
and gaze in the sky so unclear
there are things i wish to say
for only i wish u were here

just another rhyme!

muddy waters silent lanes
stary nights sunny days
if dreams were wishes
then my wishes came true

the teary widow
and her lonely dog
if only knew to each other they belong
then why wud they sing this silent song

who is it that angers u
may be spare the devil
he does no harm
its God who has created this vodoo charm

the suns out
let the flowers bloom
the clouds are gone the sky is clear
the birds are back SPRING is here

like a phoenix...

walking down that lonely road
the world turned its back on me
with friends just letting go
i knew i was all alone

then the sun set down on me
and the stars refused to shine
the sky opened up and took me in
and spat me back right outside

i wonder what mends a broken heart
and life becomes a one way street
your dreams slowly fade away
as it gets tougher to face the day

when all your doors open to darkness
and its hard to just simply fall apart
i get down on my knees and wish to pray
but the floor just gives away

i know i need to breathe again
need no hand to pull me up
soon on me the sun will shine
from the ashes i will rise

..from the ashes
like a phoenix i will rise

Solitaire!!

a dream i dream